The Ultimate Christmas Survival Guide For Busy Mums || Mum Chat

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Welcome to the Real Life Real Kitchen podcast.

Real talk for curious mums reclaiming food, family and community.

I'm Zoe F Willis, English, mother of many, mentor to mums.

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What are we now?

December, not quite middle of December, 9th of December.

So not long before Christmas comes.

So this is the Christmas edition, the Christmas survival guide edition.

And I'm just going to be putting forward a few thoughts, tips, ideas to help keep Christmas itself as calm as possible.

Because as many of us are experiencing at the moment, it is ramping up, it is getting busier and the pressure for us mums is certainly on, especially for those who are with primary schools.

There's a lot going on.

Lots of.

What is it?

There's Christmas fetes happening, there's nativity plays going on, there's costumes, there's.

Oh, gosh, goodness, there's so much.

I'm talking to some of the mums and it's, it's quite.

I feel quite overwhelmed just at the thought.

So I'm going to break this down, I suppose, into three, maybe four sections.

First bit is going to be looking at maintaining your peace in the run up to Christmas.

Second bit I'm going to be talking about.

I'm going to be talking about presents.

Third thing I'm going to be talking about is we're going to be talking about.

Kind of sounds a bit mad, but food, food and rhythms and overstimulation, because they're all connected over Christmas itself.

And then the fourth one might be talking a little bit about sort of boundaries because it can be quite a intense time for that sort of thing.

So, right, run up to all things Christmas and the simple thing is you don't have to do it all.

You can say no, you can drop out of any parent WhatsApp groups.

You can drop out of any email lists, parents, email lists and just say, this year.

Nope, too much.

Too much.

Yeah.

It kind of is that simple.

Don't have to go to the school fate.

Don't have to provide anything for the school fate.

Because a lot of these things, certainly in the uk, are fundraisers.

Just send a donation, send them the money.

And for those families, those mums who have the energy and are in a season of life that they can organize and do all of this sort of thing, let them do it.

That's not your season at the moment.

That's not your gift at the moment.

I would also suggest paring down after school activities as well.

Skip the last week.

There's no need to go, you know, dress up a child in extra tinsel or a costume for the final ballet before Christmas.

You can either just send the child in their normal uniform or just not do it.

So just really simplify things.

You do not have to be everywhere all at once.

Things like nativity plays and costumes.

I mean, hopefully by this stage proceedings, you've probably got it organised and so you're there already and it won't be too much of a drama, excuse the pun.

So, yes, you will have those sorts of things.

And quite frankly, the last day or two of term, if children are tired and exhausted and ratty, keep them home.

Just keep them at home.

Because at school, what are they doing the last couple of days of term?

Nothing.

Because everyone's tired and ratty.

It'll be videos, might be some games, might be the extra demand of a costume or two, don't do it.

If children are exhausted and you're in a position that you can keep them at home, keep them at home.

Everybody rest up.

It's not important.

It isn't important.

Whatever is happening at school, not important.

You can do some extra reading at home, snuggle on the sofa and start to just be a little bit quieter.

In the run up to Christmas, that's the first thing.

Say no to anything you feel overwhelmed by.

And even if you've been on an organizing committee, if it is just too much, you just need to be honest and say, I am really struggling.

Could be paring it down, could be saying, you know, I was going to do xyz, blah, blah, blah.

I can't, but I'm happy to do something simpler like sweeping up afterwards, but I can't do what I originally volunteered to do because it's too much.

And that is absolutely fine.

Do it.

Your peace and your sanity is fine and you are not the main pillar upon which the whole school fate or the whole parent teacher association is depending on.

Because if they are, this does not sound like a very well run organization with lots of volunteers doing lots of things, so sometimes just need to say no.

So that's me, my slightly rebellious, rebellious streaks who.

That's the run up to the Christmas holidays.

Now in terms of Christmas itself and gifts, what I would highly recommend, which I do not do and I fail to do every year, but I know people who do it and these are the calmest people I know when it comes to gifts.

They'll get organized in September or October.

They sit down, have a couple of nights then and do their ordering and go click, click to job done and they've got all their gifts in September, October.

So if you're that sort of person, please do that, please do that.

I, for whatever reason I cannot get my head into that space in September, October time.

And so it'll be December that I'm normally getting the gifts and having to think about all these things.

I think in previous mom chats I've talked about various love languages and gift giving, I have to admit, is not one of mine.

So I do find it a little bit of a struggle spending time with people.

Yes, but gift giving to struggle.

So yes, top tip, do it earlier.

Also minimize if you have family members like extra grandparents, aunties and uncles who are really generous with the presents, allow them to be really generous with the presents and you can pare it down and you could say like a book or a toy per child.

The kids really don't need much because if you're also thinking, you know you're going to do a stocking as well, that's a whole heap of little bits and bobs.

Um, that's a lot of it actually does build up to become quite a few, quite a few things.

So pare it down.

The children really don't need much.

One of the things to consider and secondly, sometimes in terms of budgeting, so that's a big help in terms of the budgets is having fewer things.

Maybe it might be an idea to, for one year to have literally like one gift per child, a small gift, but then most of the money actually gets saved and is put together for, for more of an experience.

Big day out for the family all together maybe so just contributing towards a slightly better holiday or something else that as a family you can all enjoy together.

So that's one suggestion in terms of presence and trying to keep the budget in check and keep down the stimulation now, one of the problems that people do sometimes find is that they will get gifts from other members of the family and they just go, oh, that's not something we would normally have in our household.

I don't know, maybe it's plastic, maybe it's noisy.

These sorts of things, which I have to admit we struggle with a bit with some of those plastic.

The plastic toot, as we call it.

I think in those instances we just say thank you.

There are times that we just say thank you.

We allow the children to play with them until they get a bit bored and then it gets put away.

It can be one of these toys that can be put away and brought out on a soggy ra the afternoon or something like that.

So that's an option.

Or if it is a true moral affront to you, keep it for a little bit.

So the children play with it and then it gently, quietly disappears at some point to a new home.

So that is something another thing you can do.

And again, if it's one of these, one of these, if you are got family members or friends who, for them gift giving is an important thing.

Take a photo of the child playing with it, have it for a bit so that when friends and family members come and visit, they see that it is played with and can be enjoyed like that and then put away or sent off to pastures greener.

You don't have to keep everything that people give to you.

You don't have to be weighed down by what other people give.

Other things to consider is maybe if you're in the sort of kind of situation you can have conversations with friends and family and saying, you know, these are things we actually need as a family.

These are the things that would be a benefit to us.

It could be maybe contributions toward extracurricular activities.

Maybe it is a day out, maybe it's something like older children, for example, magazine subscriptions, these sorts of things.

And just, you know, maybe if you're able to have those kind of conversations, then do.

In some instances it might be.

Do you know what, that money would be really great to go into a savings account for the children, if that's a possibility.

So those are things to consider to bring in to the conversations with family members.

If kind of gift giving is a bit of a.

It's a bit of a struggle now I'm going to move on a little bit to the actual Christmas time itself and the overstimulation and the sugar and all the things, all the things going to continue on the theme of gift giving.

If you are Going to be visiting friends and family members who do do a lot of the gifts.

You know, that's, that's like the big.

The big event and there's all the wrapping paper and all the overstimulation and all of this.

One of the things you can do is keep your family presence aside.

Know that the.

Maybe some stockings, maybe something to take the edge off in the morning.

Know that there's going to be a big, very exciting time later on in the day where it's all with the extended family.

And maybe save your gifts to either Christmas Eve night before, have a special family time together, or keep it for Boxing Day the day after.

The children don't have to have all their gifts at once because it almost gets too much.

It's like opening, oh, what's that amazing.

And then move on.

Oh, what's that amazing?

Move on.

I know of families who do kind of extend it out like that.

So it is a much more actually pleasurable time for the children.

It's much more pleasurable time for the adults because you can actually see the children are really playing with and taking in the gifts that they are given.

And it's just a much more peaceful time of it when you can kind of stagger things.

But if it all comes at once, it's just wild.

It's just too much.

Quite a contrast.

So those are some of the things that you can do.

One of the things that we do as a family actually, when it comes to presents is they all sort of get gathered up on Christmas Day.

We, we're usually out for Christmas Day and we'll come back and it will be, you know, normal bedtime, normal routine and getting children to bed quite swiftly when they are asleep.

What my husband and I will do was actually set up all the gifts in little corners of the living room so one child may have all of their bits and bobs on display, so to speak.

And then there's another corner that's another child's gifts.

So what that means is in the morning when they come down on Boxing Day, obviously it's a much more leisurely day because we try and keep Boxing Day as quiet and as calm as possible is that you.

They then go to their little corner and they can see exactly what they've got.

And they don't play with it all.

They'll take one thing and play with that and then come to something else later.

It's oddly.

You'd think it would be sort of quite overstimulating, overwhelming having all the things there, but it's almost displayed like a little.

Almost like a little shop.

And they can come and they can pick and really sort of savor what it is they've got, or take a book, sit quietly on the sofa.

And we don't seem to have problems with sort of, oh, I want this, I want that.

The bickering.

They know that this section is theirs and they know that section is that person's.

And it.

It sort of seems to work.

So that's.

That's quite a nice, nice thing to do and have that continuity.

So there's some thoughts on that I'd also just like to talk about.

Yeah, food, as we know, a lot of sugar, a lot of excitement, all of these things.

And often at Christmas as well, there will be sometimes Christmas lunch or events that, you know is not happening at the regular food times.

And you have little children having meltdowns because there's been so much going on.

I think in those instances you sort of need a bit of a snack pack at the ready, be it some savory nuts, some veggie sticks, hummus, really simple sandwiches.

Just try and keep a little bit of a rhythm going for the children on these really exciting days.

You still have these hooks.

You still know that there's kind of savory things.

It doesn't matter if they don't have much of the Christmas meal.

You're all together anyway.

You're all together, that's the main thing.

And you don't want to have a situation where you've got a child who's just been tanked up on goodness knows what.

Christmas lunch isn't till 3 o' clock and they're just absolutely bouncing off the walls.

There's been presents and overwhelm and haven't napped or it's just too much and then they have the meltdown and then let's pause it for everyone.

And then the poor child is also in disgrace.

It just.

It's just terrible.

Mum's not having fun because it's generally us who has to pick up the pieces.

So try and keep your sort of main hooks of the day.

Anything they ate at the Christmas dinner.

Bonus.

But as long as they are calm and, you know, just there are moments of peace throughout the day, maybe it is that there might be moments that you have to go and sit quietly with them on the sofa.

You need to read a book to them.

You just need to, or maybe a little walk outside, just something to kind of lower, lower the excitement levels.

But it just means that the memories are going to be much better for them, they're going to be much better for you.

It becomes a greater time of connection.

So those are some of the tips in terms of kind of surviving the relationship in all the excitement that is Christmas.

Because let's be honest, Christmas, a bit like holidays for mums, is not the calmest time.

It's not exactly a kind of kickback.

And have a couple of brandies on the sofa, it's still a busy time.

And so, yeah, so there's just a little bit of preparation can really take the edge off what can be too overwhelming a time for, for small children and then by extension for the mums and another bonus, if they don't eat much of the Christmas dinner, you got more leftovers.

You got more leftovers in the next couple of days.

I'd also recommend having for something like Boxing Day if you haven't got a substantial amount of, you know, if you haven't sort of got a turkey and you're catering for 30 people and you haven't got loads of leftovers, I'd really suggest that you'd have something super family friendly.

For us as a family, we know that Bolognese is always a winner, that you have a super family friendly meal on Boxing Day that you can literally just quickly heat up and everyone's happy and everyone will eat it and it just makes for a much calmer, quieter day.

So, yes, those are some of the tips I've got in terms of boundaries with people.

I might save that.

I've sort of talked a little bit about the gift giving and what's acceptable and what's not.

Got a couple of people coming or whom I'll be talking to on the podcast about boundaries, relationships and keeping your peace.

I think certainly at the start of this little chat about saying no to the external influences that are coming in, I think that that's already going to be an important start to it.

If anybody has any comments or any other questions, then please put it down below and.

But wishing you overall, a very lovely and tranquil Christmas, as much as it can be in the busyness and in the run up to it and all the excitement with all the tinsel and the fairy lights.

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