I Feel Like I’m Doing Everything Badly || But Here’s the Truth About Motherhood
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Have you ever sat down at the end of the day and thought, I’m doing everything badly? The house looks like a jumble sale, the children have eaten too many chicken nuggets again because the pantry was bare, you haven’t replied to the school WhatsApp group (because you can’t face 64 unread messages about World Book Day costumes)… and suddenly the doubt strikes: Yes. I am officially failing at motherhood.
I see this come up so often in conversations with other mums. It doesn’t matter if they’re first-timers with a newborn or juggling three kids and a demanding job; this sense of “I’m bad at all of it” seems to creep in everywhere in modern society. And I just want to say, right at the beginning…
If you feel like you’re doing everything badly, perhaps you’re simply doing too much.
What children really need (and what they don’t)
Somewhere along the way, modern motherhood picked up a lot of extra baggage. The “perfect childhood” is supposed to include holidays abroad, enriching activities, a toy cupboard worthy of Pinterest, and of course, meals cooked from scratch with organic vegetables (that everyone ages 15 and under seems to spurn).
But the reality is, your children don’t need all of that (although it would be deeply pleasing if they ate more of that organic food cooked from scratch rather than demanding chicken nuggets all the time).
They do need cuddles, security, attention when they’re upset, and regular food in their bellies. They need you to notice how they’re feeling. They need your presence more than anything else.
What they don’t actually need?
- Whizz-bang toys
- A packed social diary
- A mum who sits on the floor playing Barbies for two hours when she secretly hates it. I bet this one is the shocker for a number of you reading this!
Children are surprisingly content with “boring” life. School and nursery already provide enough stimulation to fill their little brains. Home can be simple, gentle, even a bit uneventful. A sanctuary. That’s not neglect; it’s balance and rest.
Lowering the bar (on purpose)
When I had my first baby, I thought everything had to be perfect. Meals. Activities. Milestones. By baby number five, I finally realised that if everyone goes to bed alive, fed, cuddled, and we’ve still got a roof over our heads then I’ve done my job.
That’s the real baseline. Everything else is extra.
Of course, I’m not saying we shouldn’t care or that effort doesn’t matter. But sometimes, the “I’m doing everything badly” feeling comes from chasing a bar that’s impossibly high. So what if we moved the bar down a little, to something human?
Playing or not playing with children
Here’s my confession. Ready? I don’t really play. I’ll happily walk with the children, read to them, bake with them, do the odd craft (on brave days). But sit on the carpet acting out elaborate toy scenarios? No thank you.
And guess what? That’s okay.
It is not your sacred duty to be your child’s entertainment committee. Boredom is actually good for them. It sparks creativity. It also means they learn to slot into your world by helping with cooking, joining you in the garden, following along with housework in their own small way.
That’s play, too.
If you feel like you’re doing everything badly…
…then perhaps it’s time to simplify. Cut out a few activities. Say no to one or two social commitments. Block off a weekend with nothing planned except resting and pottering at home.
The fewer moving parts in family life, the easier it is to feel steady. And when you’re steady, you parent better without even trying.
For working mums especially, the juggle can feel brutal. A slow cooker and some weekend batch cooking can make all the difference. Sometimes a cleaner is the right kind of support. Sometimes it’s dropping one after-school activity. The point isn’t perfection, it’s about capacity. Because when your evenings aren’t eaten up with rushing and guilt, you have the gift of simply being present.
I had a chat on the Real Life. Real Kitchen. podcast with Vanessa Coultas, Parenting Life Coach, all about the topic of “Mum Guilt”. You can watch it below for some reflections and tips on this affliction of modern motherhood.
First-time mums: you’re still learning
I need to say this, especially for first-time mums: you are not supposed to know what you’re doing.
Motherhood is learned. Historically, we would have been surrounded by aunties, cousins, neighbours, women breastfeeding, cooking, running homes… all these are skills passed along by watching. Now we’re isolated, googling all this stuff at 3am, thinking we’re the only ones failing.
You’re not failing. You’re learning.
And as with any new skill, you’ll wobble and stumble and feel clumsy. That doesn’t mean you’re bad at it. It just means you’re at the beginning.
A pantry note because dinner is always the tipping point
One of the moments mums feel most like they’re doing everything badly is that 5pm panic with tired children, no meal planned, fridge empty. Been there. Many times.
This is why I created a little “pantry reset” system with simple emergency meals from store cupboard basics. The kind of cobbled-together cooking our grandmothers did, stretching odds and ends into something warm and comforting. It’s not glamorous, but it works. And in true emergencies, there’s always cereal. (My children think Coco Pops for dinner is the height of luxury.)
You are not doing everything badly
Even if the laundry pile is mountainous. Even if your child’s lunchbox has the same sandwich three days running. Even if bedtime ended in tears.
You are keeping small humans alive, fed, and loved. That’s not “badly”. That’s miraculous, actually.
So set the bar lower. Say no more often (so hard for us!). Simplify wherever you can. And then, take a deep breath. You’re doing better than you think.
Pin this for later, or send it to a mum-friend who whispers “I’m doing everything badly” at bedtime. Because she needs to hear it too.
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