Understanding Child Pain… What’s Really Going On? || Dr. Ben Smith, Paediatric Physiotherapist
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Every parent knows the moment.
Your child falls or bumps their head or suddenly clutches their stomach with wide eyes and says, “It hurts.”
And immediately your brain starts racing.
Is this serious?
Should I call the doctor?
Am I overreacting… or underreacting?
Modern parenting often leaves us feeling slightly helpless in these situations. We’re surrounded by advice, warnings, and worst-case scenarios, yet many of us feel less confident than ever about handling everyday bumps, pains, and developmental quirks at home.
In this episode of the Real Life. Real Kitchen Podcast, I spoke with Dr. Ben Smith, a paediatric physiotherapist who specialises in helping children move well, develop confidence in their bodies, and recover from injuries or developmental challenges.
Our conversation ranged from how children actually experience pain to why parents’ reactions matter more than we realise and how simple games and calm responses can help children develop resilience.
About the Dr. Ben Smith
Dr. Ben Smith is a paediatric physiotherapist who focuses on helping children develop healthy movement patterns, recover from injuries, and navigate developmental challenges. His work combines traditional physiotherapy with a deeper understanding of childhood development and how children learn through play.
Dr. Smith ran a paediatric physiotherapy practice and regularly taught parents simple strategies to support their child’s physical development and confidence at home as well as create understanding of children’s pain.
Understanding Pain In Children
One of the most surprising ideas Ben shared is that pain isn’t simply something that happens in the body.
Instead, pain is a decision the brain makes based on the information it receives.
Your body has sensors for things like pressure, temperature, and joint movement. Those signals are sent to the brain, which then decides whether the situation is dangerous.
If it thinks there’s danger, it triggers pain as an alarm system.
Ben explains it to children using a story:
“There’s a little security guard in your head whose job is to keep you safe.”
When something potentially harmful happens, be it falling, scraping a knee, twisting an ankle… that “security guard” flips the alarm switch.
Pain, in other words, is protection, not punishment.
Understanding this helps both parents and children see pain differently. It’s not always a sign something is terribly wrong; often it’s simply the body saying, pay attention.
Why Children Often Say “It Hurts” (When They Mean Something Else)
Young children experience countless new sensations every day.
But they don’t yet have the vocabulary to explain them.
A bubbling stomach, a cramp, hunger, nerves, or mild discomfort can all end up being described with the same phrase:
“My tummy hurts!”
Adults, on the other hand, have years of experience distinguishing different sensations. We know the difference between gas, cramping, hunger, or illness.
Children are still learning that language.
Which means parents often need to become a little bit like detectives, observing behaviour, tone, facial expressions, and context.
In paediatric medicine, clinicians sometimes use the FLACC scale (Face, Legs, Activity, Cry, Consolability) to assess pain in children who cannot clearly explain what they feel.
It’s a reminder that children communicate through their whole body, not just their words.
Your Reaction Shapes Your Child’s Reaction
Perhaps the most powerful insight from our conversation was how strongly children mirror their parents’ emotional responses and this goes a long way to understanding child pain.
When a child falls, the first thing many of them do is look up. They’re not just checking if they’re hurt.
They’re checking how they’re supposed to react.
If a parent rushes over in panic, the child learns that the situation is dangerous whilst if a parent responds calmly, the child often regulates much more quickly.
Ben suggests a surprisingly simple approach.
Instead of saying:
“Don’t cry. You’re fine.”
Try something like:
“That floor is hard, isn’t it?”
This acknowledges the experience without turning it into a catastrophe and it also teaches children that discomfort is a normal part of learning about their bodies.
Why Play Is One of the Best “Therapies” for Children
Children don’t learn about their bodies through lectures. They learn through play.
Ben shared several “developmental games” parents can use at home to help children build strength, balance, coordination, and confidence.
One example is a simple sock-wrestling game between siblings where each child tries to remove the other’s socks without falling over. Another family favourite in his house is what his children call “Smash Time”; five minutes outside hitting a cardboard box with a foam-covered stick.
It might sound chaotic, but the goal is actually quite clever. Children who associate big physical movements only with injury or fear often become overly cautious. Games like these teach them something different:
Movement can be fun.
Movement can be safe.
Movement builds confidence.
And when children are busy playing, their brains are processing so much sensory input that minor discomforts often fade into the background.
Birth, Development, and Movement
Another fascinating part of our discussion explored how birth experiences can influence early movement patterns.
Birth is a dramatic transition for babies. Moving from the womb into the outside world involves enormous sensory and physical change.
Sometimes this can lead to subtle movement imbalances.
Parents often notice things in a baby like:
- favouring one side of the body
- avoiding certain movements
- skipping developmental stages like crawling
In most cases, these differences resolve naturally.
But Ben encourages parents to pay attention to developmental milestones, because they are important building blocks for later coordination and movement.
If something consistently seems off, it’s worth having a professional assessment, not because something is necessarily wrong, but because early support can make a big difference.
Anxiety, Pain, and the Emotional Climate of the Home
Children’s nervous systems are remarkably sensitive to their environment.
When parents live in a constant state of stress (think modern life! Rushing, worrying, reacting…) children often absorb that emotional tone.
Ben describes anxiety in children as sometimes coming from a low-level sense of threat in their environment. If a child’s baseline is already elevated, it takes very little to tip them into distress. This doesn’t mean parents must be perfect. But it does highlight how powerful calmness can be.
A calmer household often means more resilient children.
The Most Helpful Thing Parents Can Do
At the end of our conversation, I asked Ben what advice he most wishes parents knew.
His answer was beautifully simple.
“Be calm for the first five or ten seconds.”
Those few seconds help in two ways.
They give the child time to regulate and they give the parent time to think before reacting emotionally.
Because when emotions spike, clear thinking tends to drop. A small pause can make all the difference.
Quick Takeaways to Understanding Child Pain
- Pain is the brain’s protective alarm system.
- Children often lack the vocabulary to explain what they feel.
- Parents’ reactions strongly influence children’s responses to injury.
- Play is one of the most powerful ways children develop strength and resilience.
- Calm parenting helps children regulate pain and anxiety.
Listen to the Full Episode
In the full conversation with Dr. Ben Smith we also discuss:
- developmental milestones parents should watch for
- when to seek professional support
- the role of language in shaping children’s confidence
- practical ways to help children understand pain
🎧 Listen to the full episode here:
And if this resonates with you, do share with another mama who could do with some extra encouragement and support.
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