Non-Linear Careers for Mums || A Conversation with Deb Smallwood on Identity, Choice & SelfPowerment
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Intro
Have you ever had that quiet thought creep in…
“I’m just a mum.”
Perhaps while wiping down the kitchen for the third time that day. Or halfway through another load of laundry. Or when someone asks, “So what do you do?”
It’s a strange tension many women carry.
On the one hand, motherhood is all-consuming, deeply meaningful work, yet on the other… there’s often a whisper that you’ve somehow stepped off the path.
The career ladder.
The progression.
The “plan.”
In this episode of The Real Life. Real Kitchen Podcast, I sit down with Deb Smallwood, a former C-suite executive and author of SelfPowerment, to explore a very different perspective:
That careers are not linear.
That identity is not your job title (or your role as a mother).
And that the season you’re in right now may be doing more for your future than you realise.
About the Guest
Deb Smallwood is a former C-suite executive with a 46-year career across multiple industries, and the author of SelfPowerment: The Inner Shift for High Achieving Women Who Want More Than Just Success.
After decades of leadership, and personal experience of exhaustion, anxiety, and self-doubt, Deb began researching over 50 high-achieving women to better understand what truly drives fulfilment in careers and life.
Her work now focuses on helping women shift from seeking external validation to developing deep internal confidence. Something I think many a mum could use some help with!
You can find Deb at her website: www.selfpowerment.com otherwise her natural Social Media habitat is LinkedIn.
Episode Highlights
Careers Are Not Ladders; They’re Landscapes
Many of us were raised and educated with a very particular idea of success.
Study hard.
Choose a career.
Climb the ladder.
But as Deb reflects on her own career, and the stories of dozens of high-achieving women, that real life rarely looks like that.
Instead, it’s more like:
- pivots
- pauses
- unexpected opportunities
- seasons of growth and seasons of stepping back
As she puts it, life is not linear. It’s cyclical. And for mothers, this is especially true. We have to start realising that the years spent at home are not a detour.
They are part of the path.
Financial Independence: Freedom, Not Pressure
One of the most practical threads in the conversation is the importance of financial independence.
Deb shares how this was instilled in her from a young age and how it gave her something powerful:
Choice.
Not necessarily constant income at every stage. But the confidence of knowing:
- you have skills
- you can earn if needed
- you are not trapped
This is particularly important for mothers who step back from formal careers. It’s not about rejecting time at home. It’s about holding onto the quiet confidence that:
You are still capable.
You still have options.
The Truth About High-Achieving Women (It Might Surprise You)
Perhaps one of the most striking insights from Deb’s research is this:
Even women at the very top, running companies, leading thousands of people, often feel like they are not enough. Crazy, isn’t it? Even with all that societal “proof” and status that they’re succeeding.
Behind the success, there’s often:
- self-doubt
- imposter syndrome
- old stories from childhood
- a constant pressure to prove themselves
Which quietly dismantles the myth that confidence comes from achievement. Because it doesn’t. Confidence comes from something much deeper.
You Are Not Your Role (Even Motherhood)
This part of the conversation feels particularly important for mums.
Deb makes a clear distinction:
Being a mother is a role.
It is not your identity.
The same is true for careers, especially the non-linear careers for mums that we often find ourselves in.
Job titles come and go.
Children grow up and leave home.
If your entire sense of self is wrapped up in those roles, it can feel destabilising when they change.
But when you begin with who you are, your values, strengths, and sense of self, everything else becomes more stable.
You can:
- enjoy motherhood without losing yourself
- step back from work without feeling diminished
- return to work without feeling like you’re starting from scratch
Because you were never “just” anything.
The Power of Choice (Even When Life Feels Limited)
One of Deb’s most repeated phrases is simple, but powerful:
“You always have a choice.”
Not always easy choices. Not always obvious ones. But the ability to choose your response, your mindset, your next step always remains.
This becomes especially important in difficult seasons.
Motherhood.
Career transitions.
Periods of uncertainty.
Deb encourages women to:
- accept what is in front of them
- recognise and be curious about what they can and cannot control
- and then choose how to move forward
Not from panic.
But from clarity and strength
Why Asking for Help Is a Strength
Another thread that runs through the conversation is the idea of support.
Many women feel they must “do it all.” And don’t we as mums struggle with that? Doing it all…
Without help.
Without rest.
Without admitting struggle.
But when Deb asked dozens of successful women what they would do differently…
The answer was remarkably consistent:
They would ask for help sooner.
Whether that’s:
- emotional support
- practical help with children
- professional guidance
Support is not weakness. It’s what allows sustainability and stops you from falling apart.
This Season of Motherhood Is Not Wasted & Why Non-Linear Careers for Mums Are So Important
If there is one quiet message running through this entire conversation, it is this:
Nothing is wasted.
The years at home.
The pivots.
The pauses.
The slower seasons.
They are not gaps to explain away. You’re non climbing a ladder. These are all part of what it is to have a non-linear career for mums. These seasons and events are all part of the story.
Skills are being built:
- emotional intelligence
- resilience
- adaptability
- leadership (yes, even at the kitchen table)
- wisdom
And often, when women do step back into new ventures, those years become the very foundation of what they build next.
Quick Takeaways
- Careers are non-linear, especially for women and mothers
- Financial independence creates choice and confidence
- Even highly successful women experience self-doubt
- Your identity is not your role, at home or at work, it’s YOU
- You always have a choice in how you respond to life
- Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness
- Seasons of motherhood are not a setback; they are part of the path
Now What?
If this conversation resonated, especially if you’ve ever wondered whether you’ve “stepped off track” as a mum, I would gently encourage you to listen to the full episode:
Non-Linear Careers for Mums || A Conversation with Deb Smallwood on Identity, Choice & SelfPowerment
And if you know a mum who has ever said, “I’m just a mum…”
Please share this episode with her.
Because she may need reminding:
She is not behind.
She is not off track.
She is right where she needs to be.
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